Mr MacD- has little experience of the fairer sex

[the_comfortable_courtesan]

My dear Sandy, I say, pray, do not hesitate, put me out of this suspense, tell me what the matter is. Has Lord G- R- had an accident? Is it blackmail? Pray, disclose at once.

Sandy looks up from his coffee-cup, sighs deeply, digs into a pocket and produces a piece of paper. This, he says, I discover’d between the pages of my German grammar after my latest visit to the S-s.

I unfold the crumpl’d paper and read it. O, I murmur, did I not say that Miss K- would fix her affections upon you? But really, this is a very distressing letter. I sit down. Sure I could quite weep for the poor child, who expresses herself here so humble and meek and does not even suppose she may win that heart that all know is so devotedly fixt upon one to whom she cannot ever consider herself a plausible rival. (By which, of course, she intends myself, rather than the true rival upon whom his heart is fixt.) But she proposes that she may perhaps be of use to him.

Miss K- represents herself as one that has not fail’d at listening to her sister and brother-in-law’s conversations and their regrets over the situation of dependency in which a man of Mr MacD-'s undoubted talents finds himself. Sure it is like that Lord G- R- may do something for him, with his interest in a couple of pocket boroughs, should Mr MacD- desire a politickal career, but he is of such immense utility to Lord G- R- himself at present that they cannot suppose that this will happen very soon. Mr S- has also much promot’d the benefits to a man of marriage to one that can enter into his interests and support his endeavours.

She therefore puts it to him that she is the belov’d daughter of a wealthy man who will undoubtedly do handsomely for her upon her marriage. She knows, she writes, that she is still a very silly and uninformed girl, and that she is by no means yet fit to take up the responsibility of a wife, but she is putting herself to a course of study to remedy her defects and is also seeking instruction in the arts of housekeeping. In a few years she hopes to be one that may be a suitable mate for a coming man, and indeed, if there is any particular field of study he thinks would be of particular utility, she would be most grateful for his guidance in the matter.

I look up. Sandy covers his face with his hands. I beg you, do not mock, he says.

Well, my dear, when I teaz’d you that she would be about falling in love with you – for she is entirely at that silly age, and since she is not going about in Society, sees remarkably few young men that are not friends of her brother and doubtless she considers those mere callow youths that foolishly gape upon her – I had merely suppos’d yearnings over your studies in German, perhaps the keeping of small souvenirs, romantick dreams, perchance the writing of poetry. I did not think she would go so very far in pursuing the matter.

I think, I say with some consideration, it is because she considers herself ruin’d by her very foolish conduct in her first season – sure, among young women in Society, it seems to me that ruin can be brought about by actions undertaken out of youthfull silliness that fall far short of the sillinesses I was getting up to at their years. Tho’, I am persuad’d that she entirely exaggerates the adverse consequences of her blatant pursuit of the Duke of M-.

But, says Sandy, intriguing and enlightening tho’ your thoughts on the difficulties of young women in Society may be, what should I do about this? It is so very entirely out of the question.

Quite apart, he goes on, from the matter of my disposition, and, even were that not so heavily weighting the scales, the reluctance that any man of spirit must feel on the question of marrying for money and advancement. While I have consider’d a politickal career I have really grave doubts as to whether the conventional course of entering Parliament &C would be something I could accede to. For besides the very obvious problem of rotten boroughs, the entire system as it stands is in quite radickal need of reform, and I am not persuad’d that my best mode of action would be to work from within.

My dear, I say, I really do not think that telling Miss K- your politickal philosophy will answer in the matter. However (a recollection strikes me) she is under-age and like to require parental approval, especially as concerns matters of matrimonial settlements, for many years yet. Mr K-, I am given to apprehend, is not at all of the same politickal views as yourself: indeed, it was put to me, when she was endeavouring to attach His Grace, that possibly this was her father’s stratagem to detach him from the group he was then associat’d with and draw him back to what I daresay Mr K- considers a politickal set more suit’d to his rank and traditions, in which his late father was a notable figure.

Of course, I add, I am very ignorant on politickal matters. But I cannot think that he would welcome the proposition that his doated-upon daughter (for it is widely given out that he does indeed doat upon her in a fond fatherly fashion) should wed one that is the secretary to what he surely must deem that mad Jacobinickal traitor, Lord G- R-. Also I believe he is said to detest Scots.

In the usual circumstances, I continue, I would have recommended taking this letter at once to the girl’s parents or guardians, with strong protestations of having done nothing at all to evoke such a girlish effusion, and let them deal with it. However, I am not at all sure that Mrs S- would take the usual line in this matter, whether it be locking the chit up on bread and water for a period to bring her into a more sensible frame of mind, sending her away to school or to relatives at a distance, or merely finding a lady that could give German lessons in your stead. She might well consider this a very excellent thing and shows how much little V-’s mind has improv’d over the last year through being in a much better set.

Sandy groans. Oh, Mrs S- is an excellent woman but indeed her views on many matters are decidedly eccentrique. – But how do you know she calls her sister little V-?

O, says I, Mrs F- has on various occasions met Mrs S- and her sibs, and was most amuz’d by her calling this well-grown girl, who indeed looks older than her actual years, little V-. He looks at me as tho’ there is another question in his mind but discards it as likely to start all sorts of hares he does not want put into play at this time.

But what shall I do?

You must write her a kind letter that you are indeed very sensible of the honour she does you in making this offer, but that you could not be the means of bringing about family strife – at which you mention the extreme difference between your politickal views and her father’s. Much as you have profited from your mutual studies in German, you feel it imprudent to continue – can you find one, preferably a woman, that has native facility in that tongue and could act as tutor I think that would be most advisable. You may also add that telling phrase about a man of spirit’s views upon marrying for advancement, for it sounds exceeding well. I would also go about to praise her very excellent project of self-improvement, which will surely, in due course, commend her to one that is truly worthy of her affections.

Sandy looks at me with something of his usual glare: I am pleas’d to see him looking more like himself. That sounds indeed a good course of action, but I am rather astonisht at the sympathy you manifest towards Miss K-, who intended you great wrong last year. Sure why should you care about the tenderness of her feelings?

She is a young creature whose father may be doating but is at present much distract’d; her mother (whose ambitions I am sure lay behind much of last year's imbroglio) is very ill; furthermore I am sure neither she nor her brother reckon’d on how deep Mr O’C- would plunge them into a cess-pit of malicious acts. But it is a curious thing: I will always be finding myself inclining to the side of the woman.

I do not, I continue, hold you entirely guiltless in this matter. – What! - We women are constantly told to be aware of the effects of our charms and to be prudent lest we tempt men. Men receive no such cautions. But women are as susceptible to the sight of a pretty fellow as ever men to that of a handsome woman; however, the conditions of our existence are such as to lead us, as we move from girlhood into womanhood, to a realization of the imprudence of being rul’d by the pleasure of the eye –

(Though sure Biffle, when not blind drunk in a gutter, was a very pretty young fellow.)

I am gratify’d to perceive that I have put Sandy to the blush, for indeed I think he has been most imprudent. And, I go on, that is sure a stage on the journey that Miss K- has not yet past. Also, you must have display’d towards her some interest, even if this was entirely to do with her progress in the study of German: but she would think, or at least hope, it otherwise.

He looks more thoughtful and says that indeed he has had little experience of the fairer sex: except, of course, for yourself, who I confide should not be taken as the pattern for all of womankind. Indeed not, I agree.

He rises and says he must go, and will write along the lines I suggest to Miss K-. And in addition would be most exceeding grateful did I not mention the matter to His Lordship. He leaves.

Hector looks in to say that Miss A- lately call’d, but he gave me out as not at home. And rightly so, says I. Sure this is a curious hour for her to call, so shortly before she must be at the theatre.

Comments

[lilliburlero]

All together now: OH, SANDY.

[tree_and_leaf]

Also, what is Miss A up to? I feel there is trouble brewing there!

[clanwilliam]

OH SANDY, indeed. Poor old Hotutilitarian!

Definitely David Tennant.

[amaliedageek]

Seconded!

[nenya_kanadka]

Oh, Sandy!

I'm impressed with V-, really. I mean, offering to pattern yourself after your crush's interests is a bad idea on several levels, but she's clearly put some thought into the practical side of a marital partnership. Given a few years and a more appropriate object of affection, she may turn out to be someone who gets shit done, in the common parlance.

If Sandy weren't gay, he might be considering it, is what I'm saying.

[davidgillon]

I'm actually quite impressed with Little V's scheme. She hasn't just thrown herself at Sandy, but has thought out how his career might develop and how she might fit in with it, The girl has a brain, buried under all her romantical mush.

I blame the wild gothic romances she reads until all hours :)

And I sense another impending bout of "Oh, Miss A, no!"

[nineveh_uk]

Indeed Miss K-, though perhaps not having conducted herself with the utmost propriety by the standards of society, has demonstrated considerable tact and good sense in her forwardness.

[castiron]

I shall take note of Mme C's admonitions to Sandy, as lessons that I should impart to my own sons when they approach the age of turning the heads of young ladies of their own age (rather than turning the heads of grandmotherly women).

Poor Miss K-!

[thatyourefuse]

Oh, poor V--, she's having a rough time with the gentlemen, isn't she? I hope she eventually finds a nice boy who appreciates her apparently considerable energies of mind.

[nishatalitha]

OH SANDY, indeed. For such a sensible young man, he does end up in scrapes. I think Madame C's proposed course of action is very sensible, and perhaps she might send a word to Mrs S.

I am intrigued - what is Miss A up to now?