A most pleasing gift

I am sat in my parlour looking over some samples of chintzes that the upholsterer has provided: this is a matter that requires putting in hand expeditious, for I do not wish to hold a soirée or go about a drawing-room meeting without I have the chairs in the reception room re-cover’d. Sure there are matters I had rather be about.

Sandy is shown in, bearing a parcel wrapt in brown paper. He looks to be in considerable good humour.

Almost upon his heels comes Celeste with coffee and some exceeding fine shortbread.

Why, my dear, you seem in spirits this morn: sit down and let me pour you some coffee.

Sandy places his parcel upon the table and says, G- thought shame that these volumes should languish unread and uncar’d for in the library at A-, when there is one that would most greatly appreciate them.

Oh, I cry, unwrapping the gift, 'tis Mrs Behn’s works! O, 'tis quite exceeding good of him, but I am in some concern whether I should accept.

I believe I have heard you say, oh, poo, to protestations, and sure, I think that G- would be most aggriev’d did you not.

Indeed, he goes on, he is quite entirely sensible of how much he owes to our dear silly creature of no education in averting catastrophe lately.

O, fiddlesticks, says I, I am sure you would have come at the matter yourself.

Indeed no: 'twas you who had the material facts in your hand and could put them together like a dissect’d map to show the way to the solution.

I wrinkle my nose and say, perchance and mayhap. But indeed, you seem exceeding chearfull the morn.

Sandy smiles very charming (sure, one can quite see how he wins hearts) and says, item the first, the house-party went off a deal better than it might have, even without taking the scoundrel Mr D- K- and his unfortunate wife and their shameless behaviour into the account. Aside from the matter of that scoundrel pair: you had Lady T- quite eating out of your hand and not so much looking as if determin’d to hold her head up as we convey’d her to the guillotine by the time she went home; and I do not know what you said to Lady Z- but she lookt a deal less discontent and inclin’d to flirtation. We can now count upon Lord T- and Mr O- B- as firm allies, that are known to be good sound fellows that are not Jacobinickal visionaries, and Sir H- Z- seems entirely inclin’d to our set.

Item the second, he says, is a more inward matter. Sure it has long been a worry and a concern to G- that I only remain with him because I lack interest that would prefer me to any similar place, but I think he is now secure that, did I wish, there would be those most eager to avail of my capacities as secretary, and that I stay with him because there is nowhere else I should rather be.

My dear, sure that has been quite clear to those that know you both this long while, but indeed hearts are curious doubtfull things that cannot always believe in their good fortune.

I smile upon him. I have a little new intelligence, says I, that concerns Sir H- Z-, that I confide you have some little doubts about.

Indeed, says Sandy, he is a sound reform-mind’d fellow but as he is of the disposition, we take a little anxiety that there may be scandal that we should not wish to touch us.

'Tis indeed a consideration, says I, but I am now inclin’d to suppose him most exceeding discreet, and, I daresay, really was about climbing onto the roof when he found himself sleepless rather than having some assignation on hand – 'twas the explanation he gave for being so exceeding fortunate in the vicinity of the K-s’ chambers when Mr D- K- laid violent hands upon his wife, I add as I see Sandy in some puzzlement. I am appriz’d, I go on, that he is a patron of a certain establishment, that is run very discreet and prudent, for gentlemen of like tastes.

One has heard rumours that there is such a place, says Sandy, but 'tis so extreme discreet that I have never heard any particular person nam’d that is said to frequent it. Well, that gives us some confidence in the matter.

Also, says I, I confide that I may indeed have contriv’d to render Lady Z- a little less discontent with her lot. I do not think she knows the inwardness of her husband’s neglect of her, and while one sees why he does not disclose, I still consider it not entirely proper to marry a wife in order to conceal the truth, without giving her some understanding of how matters lye.

Sandy sighs and says that 'tis a most difficult matter.

There does not, I go on, seem that friendship ‘twixt spouses that conduces to the aid and comfort vow’d in matrimony whatever differences there may be.

I do not think, says Sandy looking somewhat dour and Calvinistickal, that Sir H- Z- has any great opinion of women and their understanding.

I think you hit it off, says I. Sure I do not find Lady Z- to be of the like to Lady W- or Her Grace in having an interest in and an acute understanding of politicks, but even did she so I daresay he would not mark her thoughts. But sure there are many fellows the like towards their wives, that they do not consider as companions, even are they not of the disposition.

Indeed, says Sandy, I have even come across those – sure I fear I was so myself – that while entirely believing theoretickally and in principle that there is an equality of intellect 'twixt the sexes do not always take that into practice. Normally I am no friend to any clergyman, in particular is he of the Establisht Church, but Mr T- shows himself most admirable in his recognition of his wife’s great abilities. And one must indeed be charm’d by Sir B- W-'s constant praise of his clever wife.

But, says I, I am like to think that my sex often show their capacities in ways that are not always appreciat’d by yours. Sure do I see Seraphine or Euphemia about considering culinary matters, 'tis like unto an experimental science, and there are many like matters.

Indeed, he says, do I not notice how much better run the household is now that it is under Mrs F-'s hand, that we were quite unable to accomplish ourselves?

But, he says, I should be getting along, I am ever beguil’d by how agreeable 'tis to converse with you, dear C-. And I beg you, please make no allusions to silly creatures.

Dearest Sandy, says I, sure I grow quite tearfull at this expression of your esteem.

After he goes I am sure very tempt’d indeed to read some of Mrs Behn’s fine works, but I will be dutyfull and go consider chintz.

So I ascend to the reception room and look about and then go call Dorcas and say, does she not think that a little fresh paint might also be requir’d, so as not to be shown up? Dorcas looks about and says, now she looks at it, altho’ it shows a deal better for a good wash-down, indeed 'twould be improv’d by new paint. She dares say that Hector and Timothy might undertake the matter.

We then proceed to consider the chintzes and come to a decision.

I am like to think 'tis also time the piano was tun’d but that can wait until these other matters are done.

Sure I cannot think of having any kind of company in this room until all this is complet’d.

I go back to my parlour, look a little longing at the works of Mrs Behn, and address myself to my correspondence. I write to Mr H- concerning Mr A-'s request and also his friends in Sussex. I write to dear Belinda to enquire whether she and Captain P- are proposing to go to the Derby again this year. There is a deal of correspondence on philanthropick matters that I am oblig’d to attend to. I am in some mind to write to my dear Abby but I confide 'tis best to wait until I hear from her as to how matters go on with them, or when I have particular news.

Hector comes to announce very unexpect’d Mrs N-. O, says I, send her in, and desire some coffee sent up.

She comes in, kisses me very friendly and sits plump down in a chair. My dear, I quite long to hear the true story of Lord G- R-'s house-party, but I must tell you at once, 'tis quite an entire relief, matters at the theatre have been so unhappy of late, but it seems that there is come a real reconciliation 'twixt Mr W- and Mr J- rather than a mere matter of form that conceals continuing anger. I know not the full tale, but they have both admitt’d before the company that perchance they spoke high words they did not intend, have embrac’d as friends, and all feel very much easier.

Why, says I, I am very pleas’d to hear it, for they have play’d together these many years and 'twas hard to see them at outs.

Indeed, says Mrs N-, I think Mr J- spoke as he did out of his great concern for Mr W- and the dangers he puts himself in –

O, says I, like unto a mother that boxes a child’s ears when it has only just not been run down in the street.

Exactly so! but, dear Lady B-, do you open to me what befell at this house-party.