To be a well-left widow is a most agreeable state

[the_comfortable_courtesan]

My dearest darlings come of an e’en for triangular matters and a nice little supper.

Imagine! says I. I am like to confide that the Marquess of O- and Lady Anna M- will go make a match of it, but 'tis still very secret.

Josiah looks extreme reliev’d, and Eliza bursts out laughing. Did I not tell you? – depend on it, I said, this is our best of C-s has some contrivance upon hand for the Marquess, 'tis no matter of her setting her cap for him.

O, shame! I cry, sure I am subject’d to unjust suspicion and jealousy.

Eliza gets a thoughtfull look upon her face and says, sure he goes be a very naughty Grand Turk, to so misjudge our darling –

We look at one another and then at our very dear Josiah, that holds out his hands and says, sure, he is quite ready to be brought to a state of penitence.

This is most exceeding amuzing, and indeed, 'tis some while before we go eat the fine supper that Euphemia has prepar’d for us.

My dears, says I, when our hunger begins be sat’d and we are able to give less mind to the fine dishes before us, do you know is there any opening for a stable-boy, or perchance a boot-boy, or a scullery-maid, at R- House?

Are these, asks Eliza, some of Hector’s connexion that you would help to good places?

No, says I, they are the offspring of a fellow that lives along the mews and was working in the livery-stable until his leg was broke by a kick from a horse. Their sister Nell cleans the mews cottage. Their mother is desirous to send them out into places now the family is in this distress, and there are a deal of bad places about that one would not like to send a young person to.

Eliza says she will go consider, but is not their darling advizing the Marquess of O- about opening up O- House? surely there will be places there.

'Tis so, says I, but 'tis not yet an immediate prospect; I should not like to prefer them to places there until I had a notion of the upper servants and whether they follow’d good practices.

'Tis prudent, agrees Eliza, sure she fears that Dawkins would go relapse into the old bad practices did she not keep him under hand, even after they had got rid of the worst of the footmen. But, she goes on, she confides that they could find places for a scullery-maid and a stable-boy, and they would be learning somewhat of the practices of a fine household, and then when matters come further along at O- House they might be prefer’d there.

My darling, that is a most exceeding sensible notion. I have advanc’d their interest to those ladies that will go equip poor young people with boxes to take into their first place, and once they are provid’d, may come to R- House.

They both look at me very fond and say, they are like to worry that the finest of C-s goes over-do herself with all this contriving.

O, fiddlesticks, says I.

O, 'tis ever hard that they must depart, but alas, I confide that Society would not understand the inwardness of the matter.

Next morn I rise somewhat late. While I breakfast I think of a matter and ring for Hector.

Hector, says I, there is a matter I should wish to put one to investigating, but sure I would desire not to go send openly to Bow Street to see if Matt Johnson is at liberty to pursue it –

Hector says that he goes occasional to a club to practice the pugilistick art, that Mr Johnson also frequents, and they will occasional have a friendly bout of sparring, and does he not encounter the fellow next time he goes, 'tis known a place one may leave messages for him.

Excellent, says I, perchance you could let him know that I have a small matter that he may be able to help concerning.

Mr Johnson, says Hector with a very straight face, I confide is ever anxious to be of service to Your Ladyship.

Has certain been most extreme obliging, says I.

I am still at breakfast when Mrs N- comes calling, and says, sure 'tis an entire brangle at the theatre at present, she is oblig’d to spend a deal of time listening to Mr J- complain upon actresses, that will be flying off to Harrogate, or getting themselves with child –

Sure, says I, that is not a matter they may accomplish entire single-hand’d –

Mrs N- snorts with laughter. Indeed not, she says.

- and he fears Miss R- will go marry that fribble and quit the stage, and very like abandon Mr W- and he will go back on the bottle does he not have one to take care of him and then do somewhat imprudent and be taken up for sodomy.

I say that I am in hopes that matters may not come to that sad conclusion.

Oho, says Mrs N-, I will tell him that Lady B- quite entire has the strings in her hand.

Why, says I, I confide that there are ways the business may be manag’d and all be benefit’d. But, my dear – do help yourself to anything upon the table, they have sent up entire too much for one person –

O, says Mrs N-, I spy Euphemia’s fam’d devill’d kidneys: and helps herself very lavish.

- but I wonder does there any gossip go about concerning the Earl of N-?

I wait while Mrs N- finishes her mouthfull, and she then says, Lord N-? there is not a deal said about him; tho’ 'tis remarkt that tho’ his wife is an invalid and unable to be a true wife to him these several years, he shows exceeding faithfull, or at least, does not openly flaunt some mistress. Is not greatly given to play or the turf or the Fancy, mostly frequents scientifick sets and those that are interest’d in hortickulture. Indeed somewhat of a dull dog.

'Tis curious, says I, in very idle tones, that a fellow that was so ardent a husband that he begot half a dozen children in barely more years (for the M- children are all exceeding close in age) leads such a monkish life.

Mrs N- snorts again and says, sure he is more interest’d in the breeding of flowers these days.

Perchance, says I, 'tis a special pleasure. We both giggle.

She says that she will go see if there is anything else said about him.

Mayhap, says I, he goes filch cuttings &C from other hortickulturalists - I have heard that 'tis a thing happens, and consider’d in shocking poor ton.

But tell me, my dear, this on-dit that the Marquess of O- goes make suit to you -?

Fie, says I, as he has no close female relatives and is quite the stranger to Town life, I go advize him about furbishing up O- House and matters of Society. As far as his heart goes, I confide that there is metal more attractive somewhere about.

La, is’t so?

And even did he so, have I not ever said that there are few more agreeable conditions for a lady’s life than to be a well-left widow?

'Tis so, says Mrs N-, not that I have any complaints of Mr N-.

In the afternoon I am oblig’d to go to a drawing-room meeting in aid of the orphanage, and in order to mollify the crabb’d spirits of the orphanage ladies, I have conced’d to give a reading from The Bard.

I am most exceeding tempt’d to give them the Shrew’s exhortation that a woman mov’d is like a fountain troubl’d, but alas, 'twould not do. Tho’ I daresay that they would not take the implication.

I am like to suppose that there has been a deal of brangling over who should hold the meeting, and indeed, over all matters including what comestibles might be serv’d.

'Tis a great comfort to me that the Matron of the orphanage is a fine sensible practickal woman that gets on with the business of running the enterprize while the ladies go bicker and backbite. Otherwise I should fear greatly for the state of the orphans.

At the meeting I see Mrs O- B-, that sighs and says in a low voice that one of the ladies that plays the piano says she will go accompany her. Mayhap 'twill answer.

I see Lady D- and Miss S- and go greet them. Lady D- says with great excitement that there is a party making up to go to Astley’s, will that not be exceeding delightfull? (I am like to suppose that Lord D- has heard that the longings of a woman with child should not be thwart’d.) Miss S- looks at her very fondly. I ask after the pug, which is, according to Lady D-, quite the finest and most intelligent of its kind.

Miss S- says that Lord O- has been persuad’d to talk to the antiquarians concerning the curious objects of the Incas in his possession – had not thought to send anybody cards, but that kind fellow Mr L-, that gave such a fine lecture on Hebrew manuscripts, is a Fellow and sent cards to Her Grace, who is quite wild to go hear.

Why, says I, here am I in and out of O- House talking of carpets and curtains and chimney-sweeps, and he does not think to tell me. I shall certainly ask him for a card: tho’ I daresay I might have one from Mr L-.

I see that the proceedings are about to commence, and compose myself so that I do not resemble Coriolanus confronting the Roman mob, that I confide must have been very like unto the orphanage ladies.

Comments

[kore]

O, shame! I cry, sure I am subject’d to unjust suspicion and jealousy.
Eliza gets a thoughtfull look upon her face and says, sure he goes be a very naughty Grand Turk, to so misjudge our darling –
We look at one another and then at our very dear Josiah, that holds out his hands and says, sure, he is quite ready to be brought to a state of penitence.

I bet they wear him out lead him a most merry dance, and he loves it.

I should not like to prefer them to places there until I had a notion of the upper servants and whether they follow’d good practices.

She is so protective! <33

compose myself so that I do not resemble Coriolanus confronting the Roman mob, that I confide must have been very like unto the orphanage ladies.

I laughed for about a full moment at that mental image.

[redbird]

Society would likely comprehend just enough of the inwardness of the matter to be shocked: it seems easier to imagine three in a bed, and what they might do there, than the sort of loving but nonsexual conversations C- has with her darlings.

[davidgillon]

- and he fears Miss R- will go marry that fribble and quit the stage, and very like abandon Mr W- and he will go back on the bottle does he not have one to take care of him and then do somewhat imprudent and be taken up for sodomy.

I fear Mr J- is quite given to catastrophizing!

[rmc28]

Actors!