the_comfortable_courtesan

Time seems to go extreme slow at Sir V- P-'s: sure 'tis only a day or so later, but seems that an eternity has past, that I find occasion to walk about the garden with dear Viola and open to her the matter of Miss S-, that will be shortly coming to Town and will need friends. Just the kind of young woman we should like in our circle.

She pouts a little, but in jest, saying, dearest C-, sure your friends must grow jealous each time you go advance the interest of some new favourite; but then says, of course she would welcome Miss S-. Dares say that Lord and Lady D- are known to Lady J-.

I am not sure about Lord and Lady D-, says I, but Lord P- his father has quite the highest opinion of her in the matter of cows.

Viola laughs exceedingly. This is a sad tedious house-party, she says, for Sir V- P- will take quite infinite pains over organising a shoot, but does not think that the ladies of the party will require any entertainment beyond going take a pique-nique to the shooters. Yet, 'tis most agreeable to be amongst such friends as yourself and dear Susannah and Eliza F-. And Lady Z- is far more agreeable than I initially suppos’d her: she seem’d somewhat ill-humour’d at Lord G- R-'s house-party, but she shows most amiable now. Also, Mrs O- B- is no longer over-aw’d by my rank but gives me the most usefull advice on babies.

But how do the gentlemen like the shooting?

O, Biffle tells me it is excellent fine, but he is not sure that he wishes to spend day after day about the matter. Especially as there are a deal of biting and stinging insects, and they are of course oblig’d to keep very still so as not to fright the birds, and get bit most extremely. But tho’ most of 'em bear it like gentlemen, 'tis very clear that it does not improve Mr D- K-'s temper, that is ever protesting that one shot a bird that was in his own sights, or their retriever goes pick up one that he shot, or shoots wild and is a danger to his companions &C&C.

Indeed, says I, I cannot suppose that there would be many mourners did he fall down in an apoplectick fit as I hear he was like to do when raging at Mr W- Y-.

Sure he is the most disagreeable fellow! tho’ his wife is no better.

O, says I, must be embittering to be marry’d to such a fellow.

Viola shudders. I confide 'tis a case I was lucky to escape.

Let us, my dear, talk of more cheerfull matters. I mind that I meant to ask you about how you contriv’d with getting the late duchess’ fine catalogue of the paintings at Q- print’d and made into a fine book. For when I was at Lord and Lady T-'s, she was very pressing for my advice upon how she might bring about a print’d volume of her studies upon lace.

Viola laughs quite immoderate, and says sure dear C- has the shield against Medusa and has tam’d the gorgon. But Lady T- does show more agreeable – I was entire toucht when she sent the cap for little Cathy. I will go look out the direction of the printer – I do not have it by me at the moment.

And how does your brother?

Oh, quite excellent well! Papa has a deal of new business coming in from Germany – I have put Fraulein H- in the way of helping with his correspondence, for there cannot be much in the way of tutoring in Town at this season.

That is very thoughtfull of you.

O, she is a fine agreeable young woman, and had a very sad experience with that low fellow Herr F-. Do you know does your Miss S- study German? I am in great wishes to get up a reading circle - perchance the F- girls might come as well – and have Fraulein H- to guide us and correct our pronunciation &C.

But indeed I must tell you, she goes on in mirthfull tones, that Sebastian writes that he has seen a deal of fine women upon his travels, but none that come anywhere near Lady B-.

I laugh and say 'tis flattering, even if untrue - for one hears that there are many exceeding fine women in those parts.

O, he has quite the greatest admiration for you!

Indeed, 'tis more agreeable here than I suppos’d 'twould be, among good female friends: yet ‘tis exceeding frustrating to be so close to my darlings and yet not close enough. Also I have barely contriv’d exchanging a word or two with Sandy – I have no notion how he gets on with this manly business of shooting. Milord has been of the opinion that to show that he has no objection to the sports usual among gentlemen of his rank, at which he shows exceeding well, and that he is no whining canting Evangelickal that entire scorns sporting pleasures, is a thing that is like to lend force to his concerns over the oppressive cruelties that are manifest’d in the matter of preserving game.

We do not, alas, enjoy any music, for when Viola goes essay a little upon the piano it is discover’d horribly out of tune.

I am in my chamber being dresst for dinner by Docket and Sophy, when comes a very urgent knocking upon the door. Docket lifts her eyebrows and goes see what is ado.

'Tis Connolly, that is in a most exceeding taking. Docket makes her sit down and put her head between her knees, 'tis quite sovereign for a feeling of faintness, I give my smelling-bottle to Sophy to wave under her nose, and then say, perchance one should fan her? Has been very close today.

Connolly begins to recover herself, sits up, wrings her hands, her mouth moves but she articulates nothing.

Docket sends Sophy to fetch out the little bottle of brandy, that we keep by for medicinal purposes, and gives a little to Connolly.

O, says Connolly at length, o, o , o, I know not what to do. I am like to think that the master is fallen down dead in a seizure.

What? I cry.

The tale comes out in fits and starts as Connolly commences to sobbing. She had been dressing the mistress for dinner when comes in Mr K- in a most exceeding bad mood, orders her out of the room, so she goes into the dressing room and is about various matters there –

And she can hear him shouting, which is no unusual thing, for some considerable while, and she dares suppose that he goes lay hands upon his wife, which is another accustom’d matter, and then there is a deal of noise as of furniture being knock’d over &C, that is also not at all unknown in the household, and then all is quiet.

She does not venture in, however, for she has not heard the door slam to indicate that the master has left.

But the silence continues some considerable while, so she peeps about the door, in some fears that he has at last murder’d her.

But indeed 'tis not the case: there is the master, laid out still as death upon the bed, and there is her mistress, sat still as a statue, staring as if she sees nothing before her.

Why, says I, I daresay he did have a seizure – the likelihood has been spoken of to me by several. But, says I, I will come along and see what’s ado, may be merely a faint.

I put the smelling-bottle and the brandy into my reticule, and set forth with Connolly, that shakes considerable.

She opens the door to the D- K-s’ chamber, and I go in. Indeed 'tis as she has said: there is Mr D- K- lying on the bed in such an attitude that one is hard put to think him living, and there is Mrs D- K- sat in a chair, in her chemise as she was doubtless waiting to be dresst, and staring before her in a fashion that recalls Mr J-'s very fine performance in the Scottish play when transfixt by some phantasm.

I wonder if slapping her face, as recommend’d for the treatment of hystericks, would bring her about, or whether 'twould be more like waking a sleepwalker, which is deem’d exceeding perilous.

I go look at the figure upon the bed: I do not quite like to touch it to see is it sensible, for I fear he may start up in a fury, but I desire Connolly to pass me the hand-mirror, which I hold before his lips. There is no clouding of the glass. But indeed one hears of those that are suppos’d dead, and even bury’d, but life remains.

Did I not once hear Mr H- say that one might bring a fellow round from a seizure did one go about to bleed him very expeditious?

I look about me for somewhat sharp that I may use to essay this matter.

There is a hat-pin lyes upon the dressing-table, which I daresay would serve since one does not have a lancet, and I confide that sending for the nearest surgeon would take too long.

I go to the dressing-table with the intention of taking up the hat-pin, but drawing closer I perceive that there is some darkish matter about the point of it. I mind that 'tis said that strikes by a stiletto do not bleed profuse, and sure a hat-pin is much of the like.

O, thinks I, o, o, and contrive to drop my handkerchief over it – Connolly is endeavouring to rouse her mistress by rubbing her hands and wrists, &C.

I put the hat-pin well-wrappt up into my reticule, and say to Connolly that one should go inform the company, for I think that a surgeon is requir’d.

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clanwilliam

Oh, my! Let us hope that Sir V- P-'s estate is not next to St Mary Mead. Although Sandy would be a cunning sleuth as well. Still, Mr D- K- definitely got what he deserved.