Entire all that is talkt of over teacups

'Tis well on into the next morn when I finally awake to Sophy with my chocolate, that says that Docket would by no means have me woken any earlier.

I say that I am entire appriz’d that I am not mistress in my own household, and does she help me into my peignoir, I will go down and breakfast.

I have not even toucht my first cup of coffee when Hector comes to say Mrs N- is come call.

Why, says I, send her in (for indeed I have been expecting such a visit).

Enters Mrs N- in a great bustle. I wave her into a chair and desire her to help herself to anything she cares for, as ever they have sent up a deal more than I am like to eat.

My dear! she cries, I cannot suppose that you are not quite already in possession of the news of this surprizing marriage!

O? says I, taking a sip of coffee and helping myself to bacon and eggs. Speak on, my dear.

The Marquess of O- and Lady Anna M-! After all the gossip that he was riding of a morn with some entire other young lady!

I give a gentle laugh and say, my dear Mrs N-, can it possibly be that you do not know the whole? No, my dear, you go teaze me so that you can ope to me the quite remarkable truth of the matter, is’t not so? and I daresay twit me for being quite the last to know.

She looks at me and says, there is some matter to do with this that I do not know?

Why, says I, is’t not quite like unto some comedy of the stage – indeed, I could quite see our dear rogue Miss A- in the role – is’t not indeed? The couple that find themselves having their marriage arrang’d will-they nil-they? That then by chance encounter one another while riding in the Park at an unfashionable hour, and find that 'tis a matter being entire impos’d upon both of 'em by one that for reasons of patronage or familial relation neither may oppose direct? And go plot as how they may escape these bonds? –

O, cries Mrs N-, that has a deal of apprehension, ‘twas Lady Anna herself that was the suppos’d Incognita?

Quite so, says I. And from this confederacy come to a comradely friendship, and from that to somewhat warmer, and find themselves quite prepar’d to concede to the Earl’s plan, when alas he hears some gossip and flies into a great pet about the matter and forbids the banns. But by now, they were quite determin’d to have one another to have and to hold &C and therefore took matters into their own hands and have got themselves wed, and let no man put 'em asunder.

Mrs N- looks at me somewhat thoughtfull and says that she wonders whether 'twas their hands alone that matters were taken into.

Why, says I, I confide that young Lord U- was in the plot.

My dear Lady B-, she says, there you were not only advizing the Marquess about furbishing up O- House but quite acting the mentor to him in matters of Society, and here you are known the greatest intimate of all save the Earl himself at N- House: but indeed, my dear, I will be an entire oyster of discretion when I go tell this tale.

I smile and says sure she attributes to me quite sorcerous powers.

She goes on to say, and talking of the Earl being in a great pet, sure 'twas give out at the clubs that yesterday he went in the most ridiculous taking because his two younger sons were mind’d to take part in that race that went forward –

O, says I, it did go forward?

O, well past St Albans I hear by the time the Earl came to hear of’t: and sure ‘twas only one of his sons, for they had tosst to see which would undertake it, and 'twas that young fellow that gapes so upon you, my dear, that won, and I daresay is in York by now: so that when the Earl goes into N- House, fuming and fretting, he finds the other already at home, taking a little late breakfast with his mama.

Sure, she goes on, with the morn’s news to top it, I wonder that he does not go fall down in a seizure.

(Sure that would be a thing I should not mourn at all, but I fear he will not be so obliging in the matter.)

But, my dear, to turn to the theatre - sure 'tis a deal less dramatick there at present –

I suppose, says I, none hears how Miss M-, or Mrs E- as she may be give out as these days, does in the Americas?

Not a whisper. But what I was coming at, was has Mr J- open’d to you, as one that is known a great intimate of the suspect’d dramatist of The Gypsy’s Curse &C, that there are other novels from the same hand would show most effective did one that has such a fine apprehension in the matter go about to turn them into plays?

Say you so! Why, you concede me a deal more knowledge and influence than is the case, but sure I will put Mr J-'s thoughts into circulation and mayhap they may come to the ears in question.

She looks at me very sceptickal, then smiles and says, sure she must be away to the theatre.

Hah, thinks I, when should I find time to turn The Antiquarian’s Daughter - that I confide would have a most excellent breeches part for Miss A- - or The Sorceress into plays? But I am in some concern that Mr P- may go undertake the task do I not.

I go look at the letters that have accumulat’d upon my pretty desk and sigh. Tho’ I see that one is a message from Sebastian K-: upon opening it I see that he considers that Mr W- Y- is become sober, tho’ sure still manifests the signs of his debauch. I daresay 'twill be no harm do I not go about quite immediate to arrange for him to be convey’d to the Contessa’s mansion: 'twould be preferable did he have no knowledge of where he is taken.

I am like to think I should convoke with Sandy before I undertake any action in the matter.

But today I think it entire proper that I go call at N- House, even tho’ do I so, 'twill mean that I cut a meeting of the orphanage ladies (where I daresay there will be a deal more talk of this latest scandal than of orphans).

So I take myself to N- House, where I am conduct’d to Lady N-‘s usual chamber, where she lyes upon the sopha with all her children save Lady Anna and Lord Geoffrey about her. She holds out her hands to me. Dear Lady B-, U- tells me that the deed is quite entire accomplisht?

Indeed, says I, what God hath join’d, let no man put asunder (for I am in the greatest confidence that the union is by now most thoroughly consummat’d). Also, has been announc’d in the press, so they are also quite entire marry’d in the eyes of Society.

She sighs exceeding happyly, and says, Em, my dear, do you ring for some tea.

Sure, she goes on, we are appriz’d that 'tis announc’d in the press, for there was quite an explosion the morn.

And, says I, I apprehend that an on-dit goes round concerning the entire identity 'twixt Lady Anna and the Fair Incognita.

Lord Edward looks at his brother and says, no doubt 'twill be all they talk of in the clubs tonight.

O, says I, was there not some matter of a race? – phaetons on the Great North Road? I am like to suppose that while the matter of this marriage will be entire all that is talkt over the teacups this afternoon, surely gentlemen will discuss other matters?

Lord U- says that My Ladyship would be entire surpriz’d by the gossip that goes forth in gentlemen’s clubs: sure can resemble an old hens’ tea-party. (Indeed I am like to suppose so.) And as for this race, he hopes young Geoff is alright. He dares say had there been any accident they would have heard by now.

Why, says I, I was like to suppose he had the makings of a very pretty whip: tho’ races are ever chancey matters.

His brothers look somewhat reliev’d, remarking that one that is such a friend of Lord R- must have considerable apprehension in the matter.

Is he not a prime fellow? says Lord Edward. Do you think, Your Ladyship, that there would be any hope I might try a passage at arms with him one day? When we were in Vienna was a fellow most greatly cry’d him up as a maestro with the sword.

Why, says I, I will most gladly ask him.

Comes a footman with tea, and Lady Emily takes charge of the matter. I mind me to praise her thespian skills in contriving to appear to faint.

O, she says, I very particular askt Miss A- to demonstrate. Tho’ of course could not match her skills in the matter.

After I have drunk my tea, I say that I only came to look in to see how matters went here, I will not linger and outstay my welcome – Lady N- says, you could never do that, Lady B-, 'tis very pretty of her – but perchance I should go, tho’ most exceeding late, to a meeting concerning orphanages.

I take warm farewells from them.

As I cross the hall on my way out, comes in looking like a figure of doom the Earl himself. He glowers at me considerable and then says, he supposes that he dares say that I was quite the first to know about this match?

O, says I, this marriage of Lady Anna with the Marquess of O-? I hear there is quite the prettyest tale to it, entire like unto some play.

He glowers at me some more, but sweeps up the stair without saying anything further. I feel a little chill that is not just the wont’d chillyness of N- House.