A country-house ball in the provinces

The next morn, I go riding, and I see Miss S-, that shows a little more to advantage in riding-habit, is an extreme accomplisht equestrienne, that takes the horse that lately Mrs D- K- rode, and brings it to more mannerly ways.

I comment upon this to her and she blushes and says, O, Lady B-, you are known such a fine horsewoman –

Sure, says I, does a lady not fall off when bolt’d with, it gives the reputation of a centauress, quite unmerit’d. My dear Jezebel is the most well-conduct’d of creatures –

O, you do not bring her with you?

No, I have put her out to grass for a few weeks (I have sent her to dear Belinda in Northamptonshire to recruit a little, for I confide that Town in summer is as bad for horses as people) while I go make visits.

- But indeed, after your horrid experience yesterday, I am surpriz’d to see you riding the morn.

I give a little shrug. Sure 'twas somewhat upsetting at the time, but I find myself not entire overset by it.

Indeed swans can be quite dangerous birds.

'Tis true: and have you not observ’d, that altho’ they are a very fine sight gliding upon a lake, do you see them more closely there is something quite nasty about their looks and their serpentine necks?

She gives a little shiver and says that might make a horrid tale.

I am glad, says I, that I find myself so recover’d when there is this fine large ball this e’en.

Miss S- gives a deep sigh and I confide that she does not regard the prospect with great enthusiasm. Sure she does not have great natural advantages but yet I think that a lady’s maid of proficiency could go a deal of a way to rendering her more presentable than she usual shows, tho’ sure the strictures upon what a young unmarry’d woman may wear pose difficulties. I will go see if Docket can give her maid a few hints.

On return to the house invigorat’d by my ride, I am in great desire to ope my pretty travelling desk to begin a tale concerning a daemonick swan, but Lady D- waylays me and says that, once I have chang’d, she would be delight’d would I take a little breakfast with her in her parlour.

That would be most agreeable, says I.

While changing, I convoke with Docket about dressing Miss S-. She does not, says Docket, have her own maid, her sister’s manages any business of the kind she requires. Hmmm, says I, I confide that Sophy is quite equal to the task of dressing me for a provincial ball, while I daresay you could do somewhat to show Miss S- off to advantage.

Docket says that the on-dit in the servants’ hall is that Miss S- will come most attractive dower’d, as well as being exceeding well-connect’d: but indeed the poor creature could look a deal better. This accords with some loudly-whisper’d remark by that b---h Mrs D- K- that that pudding-fac’d dowd comes with a deal of jam to sweeten the dish. I was most greatly tempt’d to say something about how fine a catch she herself, with all her charms, marry’d – I have notic’d that altho’ she can display a fine décolletage, she at present wears her gowns cut very high, that makes me wonder upon bruising. Also I notice a disposition in Mr D- K- to make most unwont’d civil and agreeable towards me, which causes me to wonder considerable.

As I anticipate, Lady D- wishes to talk philanthropy with me over the bacon and eggs, some exceeding fine mushrooms, and muffins. I travel provid’d with a few pamphlets on my own particular causes and one or two others that I support, and I hand these to Lady D-. She says that they go about with various matters upon the estate, but 'tis very much the old-fashion’d way of comforts for the sick &C.

After we have talkt of various matters to do with good causes, and her quite passionate admiration for Mrs Fry even tho’ she be a Quaker, there is a little silence and then she says, Lady B-, you have shown most exceeding kind to my sister Agnes, I am really most gratefull for I find that there are some ladies in Society that will be quite unkind -

There are some ladies in Society that will be unkind upon any grounds at all, says I. Your sister is an excellent young woman tho’ perchance lacks a little address that would serve her well.

Lady D- sighs and says she hears it gets about that Agnes will have a fine portion, which indeed is true: but she fears that only encourages the wrong sort of suitor. What she wants for her is someone that would truly appreciate her excellent qualities –

Dear Lady D-, says I, sure there is no rush, is there?

- and she could not help noticing that Mr MacD-, that is so well-spoke of for his talents and abilities, seems to find a considerable pleasure in conversing with her.

Indeed, says I, he has mentioned to me her very exceptional apprehension in various matters. But I think you should know that he is a man of most extreme high principle, that has remarkt that 'tis exceeding distasteful to see men go marry for wealth and advantage, rather than make their way on their own merits.

It does him credit, says Lady D-. For I apprehend that that poet - o, indeed 'tis wrong to laugh but indeed I was tempt’d when I saw him pursu’d out of the lake by the swan – goes make up to Agnes for interest.

Sure 'twould not surprize me, says I.

(I am like to suppose that Lady D- is not quite as solemn and serious as she would like to present, but that she feels oblig’d to live up to her husband.)

In the afternoon I give out that I am resting in preparation for the ball, and instead sit at my pretty travelling desk scribbling; 'tis most exceeding agreeable, tho’ Docket comes scold me about inky fingers and instructs Sophy to give them a vigorous pumicing and then rub them with a special lotion she prepares. Docket then says she goes furbish up Miss S-; then spends a good quarter of an hour conveying further instructions to Sophy.

O, Docket, says I as she draws to a close, you may take my pearls for Miss S- to wear. I purpose to wear the diamond and emerald parure (for I am in a company that, apart from Sandy, knows not its history - that my belov’d Josiah gave it me shortly after the birth of our darling bundle Flora and it holds in a secret compartment a lock of her baby hair). Docket gives a little nod and tells me that I suit it admirably.

Sophy is most excit’d to have this responsibility of dressing me – tho’ 'tis but for a country-house ball in the provinces – and chatters considerable as she goes about the business.

When she has done I look at myself in the mirror – 'tis not my own very fine pier-glass, but it shows me very pleasing. Very good, Sophy, says I, and here is something towards acquiring the tools of your trade.

O, Your Ladyship! cries Sophy, babbling something about the pleasure 'tis to serve one looks so well for good dressing and does not live hand to mouth so that there is hardly a tradesman in Town will continue to do business with 'em. (I confide that Mrs D- K-'s maid has been a-gossiping: but indeed, in her shoes any would be looking out for a new place).

I perform my well-practis’d gliding like unto a swan into the ballroom, and sure this has a very gratifying effect.

I go over to Sir H- and Lady Z-, who are standing with il bello scozzese, who is tonight quite il bellissimo scozzese. I see several ladies casting admiring glances in his direction.

Lady Z- says that she confides that a little dancing cannot be harmfull, tho’ sure in this company – she looks a little scornfull about the local society - there may be some boisterous country dances: but she will sit down for them. Sir H- looks down at her and says he dares say she is the best judge of her own condition. Sure they seem on most excellent terms.

How now, my dear, says I to Sandy, as Sir H- leads out his wife in a decorous measure, how do you?

Dearest C-, he says in an undertone, I beg you, do you dance with me before I become like one that stands at the edge of the water and fears to jump in.

Why, Mr MacD-, says I, do you ask me so charming how can I refuse?

I contrive to conduct him onto the floor in such a way that it seems that he leads me. Indeed, he has no reason for his fret: Milord has taught him most excellent, and I remark upon this.

At the end of the set I look about me. Miss S- has just come in. Sure nothing could turn her into a beauty but Docket has contriv’d somehow with her hair so that her face looks less pudding-like ('tis possible that there is also the faintest hint of rouge or perchance 'tis a becoming natural colour) and that her gown suggests a figure rather than a badly stufft sack. The pearls look very well on her.

I kick Sandy in the ankle and tell him to be about his duty dances – he might also ask Lady Z-.

Lord D- comes up, makes a leg, and solicits me to the dance-floor. He tells me that he concedes to this frivolous activity because it makes for good feeling with neighbours &C and sure there can be no great objection to a private ball such as this (I confide that I shall not be about asking him to take tickets for subscription balls for causes). I see that Lady D- is greatly enjoying the business.

I observe Miss S-: once she is on the floor she is a most excellent dancer.

Mr W- Y- is not present. 'Tis given out that he swallow’d some of the lake water, which is deem’d most unwholesome, and is under the care of a physician that bleeds and purges him as a precaution. 'Tis a great relief to me.

I see Mrs D- K- in her made-over gown and her old-fashion’d jewellery that glares upon me like unto a basilisk, and I nod to her with a sweet smile. Sure I must go about remarking upon what a fine-looking creature she is, and would present most exceeding well did she dress in the crack of fashion.