'Tis a heavier matter than dog-stealing

I am sipping my morning chocolate and readying myself to face the day – tho’ indeed I can think of no pressing business I must be about, and contemplate with some pleasure returning to my tale of the curs’d canal, which comes along very agreeable – when comes in Docket somewhat agitat’d.

How now, Docket, what’s ado? Do you require your drops?

Oh no, Your Ladyship, I am quite well, but there is just come calling upon you Miss A- and Miss R-, that are both in a most extreme taking. Hector has taken the liberty of putting them in the parlour with some good strong coffee, but confides that ‘twill need you to soothe their spirits.

Oh dear, says I. Well, if you will fetch my peignoir, and do something with my hair so that I do not look entirely a Bedlamite, I will be about the task of soothing as soon as maybe.

I wonder what this to-do may be about, as Docket dresses my hair suitable for the morning and an informal visit from close friends, and determine to myself that I daresay that Miss R-'s puppy has been kidnappt, and the rogues go about to demand a ransom under threat of cutting off its tail &C ('tis a shocking thing much report’d upon). Tho’ sure I cannot fathom why Miss A- should be of the party, except that now entire amity has been restor’d 'twixt the two of them, she does a friend’s office.

I therefore go down to them with this in mind.

They are both pacing about the parlour like a pair of tragedy queens, altho’ I see they both hold cups of coffee, but have not toucht the fine muffins that sit upon the table along with butter and some excellent raspberry jam that Euphemia put up when they were in season.

How now, my dears, what is’t that perturbs you?

O, Lady B-, Lady B-, cries Miss R-, sure I am most glad to see you, for I am in the greatest fear –

- I am about to ask how long has her poor little pug been missing –

- concerning my uncle.

O, this is indeed more worrying. Your uncle, says I?

Did not come home last night, and when I went to the theatre this morning – for sometimes if he is out late he will go sleep upon the couch in his dressing-room, rather than disturb the household – he was not there either.

And, says Miss A-, that seems almost as agitat’d as Miss R-, 'tis being given out that the Vice Society brought about a raid last night upon a place of resort where he was wont to go from time to time.

Oh, says I, sitting plump down in a chair and taking some coffee myself, sure that is indeed cause for worry.

Sure, says Miss A-, I do not know why the Vice Society should be so concern’d over a pack of fellows that do no-one any harm, and do not flaunt themselves but hide in the shadows among their own kind. Lady J- says –

O, cries Miss R-, wringing her hands, Lady J- may say that 'tis a cruel wick’d law and should be alter’d, but at present 'tis still the law and has caught my dear uncle, that never harm’d a fly in his life and brought a deal of enjoyment to many.

Sit down, my dears, and take a little sustenance. Sure you make me quite giddy with this walking up and down, and 'twill do you no good to starve yourselves.

Is Mr J- appriz’d of this business? I ask. Both shake their heads. He was not yet at the theatre, adds Miss A-, I had gone in extreme early to rehearse a certain entrance I have been having trouble with, when came Miss R- about the matter.

I drink my coffee and butter myself a muffin, for I do not think I will cogitate any better for being hungry.

I eat two muffins and drink a second cup of coffee and then say that I may at least be able to find out if Mr W- is being held in gaol, or whether he escapt and is somewhere in hiding until 'tis prudent to come out.

O, Lady B-, I should be most infinite gratefull, says Miss R-. 'Twould be something to know how the matter stands.

Well, my dears, I will go investigate and once I have some intelligence in the matter, will call upon you at the theatre.

They make exceeding effusive protestations of gratitude and finally leave.

I sigh. I doubt that this business in one in which the Runners have any interest, but I daresay Matt Johnson can tell me where Mr W- would be held, was he in fact arrest’d.

So I go to dress, and desire Docket to array me in the usual sober and discreet garments that are suitable for me to go visit Dolly Mutton and avoid unwant’d attentions.

Docket sighs and says is it not some matter that I could just as well convey by Dorcas?

No, says I, I fear 'tis a matter I have to be about in person. Docket sniffs.

So, as usual when I am about such a visit, I desire Ajax to leave me some distance from Dolly Mutton’s, and proceed afoot, which is by no means pleasant for there is still dirty snow lying about the streets.

But I reach Dolly Mutton’s, where a few women are sat in the coffee-house at breakfast.

She and I greet one another very amiable, and I ask her if she knows where I might be likely to find Matt Johnson. She replies that he will very like be in for some coffee and to hear any matter she might communicate to him about what goes forth in Covent Garden, quite soon. Good, says I, I am not sure this is a matter for him but he may be able to say to whom I should apply.

'Tis not a matter of dog-stealing, is it? There is a deal of that about at present, the wretches.

No, says I, 'tis a somewhat different matter.

I sit drinking some coffee, and indeed, 'tis not at all long before enters Matt Johnson, and altho’ I am still much perturb’d by the matter that brings me here, I am greatly warm’d by the expression upon his face when he sees me.

Lady B-! Ever at your service – is there anything I can do for you?

I do not think this is a Runners matter, but you may be able to advise me.

I ask Dolly Mutton whether we may go into her parlour and be private, which she permits.

I open the matter of Mr W- and the fears that he was caught up in the late raid by the Vice Society –

Mr W-, that sets so many in a laugh?

I nod. Has been of the like habit this considerable while, but has ever been fortunate.

Sure, he says, I have no opinion of the Vice Society and their interfering ways, and goes on to tell me of occasions where their interventions have had a most adverse effect upon the Runners’ investigations, for example by catching up during raids those that were agents gathering intelligence on far worse crimes. For the Vice Society think of themselves as crusaders and do not bother to consult with officers of the law beforehand.

O, says I, o, o.

He looks at me with a fond smile and says he confides that Lady B- has one of her fine stratagems in mind.

O, says I, I do not know if this would answer, or indeed if you would think it a proper thing for you to do.

I twist my hands together. Suppose, says I, that you went and told whoever was in charge of the place where these poor fellows are held, that there was swept up in this wholesale raid, one that was an informant for the Runners, and this is a most deleterious thing to an important investigation, and you wish to extract him –

Why, says Matt with a smile, that is indeed a fine stratagem, and I confide that the gaol-keeper will be in some sympathy with the matter, for I do not think they like the way in which the Vice Society makes work for 'em. I will go at once and find out where they are being held and put this plan in motion.

'Tis possible, I add, that Mr W- has been prudent enough to give a false name.

We must hope that none has recogniz’d him, says Matt, for he has most singular looks.

He rises and looks down at me. Oh, says I, I fear that I ask entire too much of you that is quite outside the duties you owe to your position. And while I consider, this - I hand over some gold - may ease your way does the gaoler make any trouble.

He smiles down upon me and says that 'tis quite entire a pleasure to be of any service to Lady B-. I blush a little. He departs.

Comes in Dolly Mutton and says she hopes 'tis no serious matter.

’Tis a matter most worrying, says I, but I am in hopes that Matt Johnson will come about with a way out of it.

She goes on to say how much Dorcas’s ministrations are lik’d, and how exceeding well Prue reads the Bible, and that matters go on very hopefull towards acquiring the next-door building. She now has a good half-dozen deserving cases in the house, and confides that word gets about - for 'tis not something one can advertize in the papers, is it.

Alas, no, says I, and proceed to ask how matters go as regards finance.

Fine and business-like, she says, what excellent generous people the F-s are.