I cannot work miracles

Comes in one morning as I am about my correspondence Mrs N-, that tells me that dear kind Mr N- goes about to tell the true tale concerning Lady J- and Herr F- among the sets he frequents.

Indeed, says I, that is most thoughtfull of him (tho’ I am inclin’d to suppose that many do not listen exceeding attentive to Mr N- once he starts speaking: yet mayhap there are those that think him a very sound fellow whose words are weighty).

He is most exceeding shockt at the vulgar stories that go about: for he greatly admires the pretty devotion 'twixt Lady J- and Miss A-.

We look at one another with amuzement. For all his deep knowledge on so many topicks, I am like to believe that Mr N- is not acquaint’d with the Sapphick disposition.

And of course, dear Lady B-, I do what I can to pass along the intelligence concerning the coarse behaviour of Herr F-. But alas, I feel that there is some desire to believe the worst of Lady J-.

Alas indeed, says I, I fear that there are those that consider her decid’d manner is overbearing and are thus inclin’d to some resentment towards her.

I confide 'tis so from various matters I have heard among the philanthropick set: indeed, she says with a comickal expression, one might expect more charity from them.

I sigh and say that one hears that prize-fighters show extreme civil to one another when they are not in the ring: sure things go by contraries.

Hector shows in Miss A-, that kisses us both very warmly and says sure she feels a great disposition to go weep in Lady B-'s lap as she was once wont. O, that viper! that reptile! O that she were a man – no, she would not do him the honour to call him out, no, he does not deserve that, she would –

Dear Miss A-, says I, your feelings do you quite entire credit, but do you sit down and drink some coffee and try not to agitate yourself. There are those go about to make the truth known.

She sighs and says is there not some saying about the truth that follows the flying lye does so upon leaden feet?

But I note she eats several little cakes.

Sure, I say, Lady J- has friends.

But so many show themselves hypocrite weasels, says Miss A-, and murmur about smoke and fire, and that there must be something in the matter. O that someone would write a play that would show such a false malignity –

'Tis call’d Othello, says I, sure I have ever thought you would show excellent fine as Desdemona –

O, Lady B-, do you truly think so? But, she goes on, tho’ that is a powerful piece, would the present-day application be made?

I shrug. Indeed I wonder.

Mrs N- looks at me sly-wise and says 'tis said I have some influence upon a certain dramatist that goes incognito.

Oh, says I, one cannot tell dramatists what to write, they have to wait for the inspiring spark.

If that is so, says Miss A-, then some of them suppose will 'o the wisps to be the divine fire: do we not, my dears, remember Queen Maud? Mr P- would ever have it that he was inspir’d to write it.

But, she says, 'tis entirely comforting that you are taking the matter in hand, dearest Lady B-, sure if anyone can find the pathway out of this labyrinth of lies, sure you can.

Well, my dear, I am pleas’d that you think so, and I shall do my best, but 'tis indeed a most tangl’d imbroglio.

The two of them depart arm in arm for the theatre and I return to my correspondence.

Looks around the door Sandy, saying that he perceives that those gossiping creatures are gone? He has been about this business of contriving a bell that would ring in the mews. He would have lookt in earlier, but that he saw that I was occupy’d.

Comes Euphemia with fresh coffee and more cakes.

Sandy sits down and says that he confides that the matter of a bell is coming about. Sure Hector is most concern’d that you will continue to be safe in your own house.

I laugh and remark that I daresay I am a deal safer these days.

Perchance. But I had another matter to disclose to you, which is that the counter-rumour is in motion and there is already another badly-drawn satire, this one upon the burden of kisst the girls and made them cry. He hands me a piece of paper.

It shows a fellow with a violincello that juts out in a most suggestive fashion, one hand thrust into a lady’s bosom, the other reaching under the skirts of another, while he ogles yet a third, saying something coarse in what I suppose is intend’d to represent a Germanic accent, being observ’d with horror from a window by one that may be taken to be Lady J-, that has two women in torn garments behind her pointing accusingly at him.

Well, mayhap this will go about to improve matters, I say somewhat doubtfull.

We may hope.

He sighs and says, he has quite the greatest admiration for Lady J- -

- Yes, my dear, I am entirely appriz’d of that –

- but do I not feel there is something in this sudden warmth towards G-, that, that bodes –

Indeed, says I, I was in some concern that she goes about upon one of her plans, but I am in hopes that I have divert’d her fire. I tap my nose as one that could say more but confides that the time is not yet ripe to do so.

Oh, dearest C-, no, pray do not tell me anything, let this come as a delightfull surprize.

I smile and say indeed I will. And oh, says I, should anything happen to Herr F-, you might tell Matt Johnson that there are a deal of ladies that have been molest’d by him, and now the matter comes out and they find they are not alone but that he was quite the general pest, I daresay they will be after telling gentlemen about the matter and one or other of the gentleman may very like take matters into their own hands, far too many for ready investigation.

Sure, do I tell Matt what kind of a fellow the scoundrel is I doubt he will be much exercis’d about investigating any mishap that might come to him.

I was in some supposition that that would be the case.

Sandy smiles and adds that he would not be entire surpriz’d was it Matt Johnson who took matters into his own hands. He then adds that he will go convey the happy news to G- that I take the matter of Lady J-'s reputation in hand.

I sigh and say sure I wonder why 'tis that the world supposes that I can quite readily contrive this.

Sandy laughs somewhat immoderate and then departs.

I return to my correspondence.

At the usual hour for formal calls comes dear Susannah W- to visit.

She remarks on the very fine soirée: how much she enjoy’d it, such excellent conversation, and what a very charming woman is Mrs T-. Sure 'tis a great pity that she and her husband purpose a return to the antipodes - tho’ tis true they are doing very fine work there – but they would be such a complete asset to our circle.

She was indeed very complimentary about you lately when we spoke.

Such an interesting woman, so well-inform’d on so many matters, and also quite entirely a devot’d mother to her little brood. Sure I should go call upon her some time. What a pity that the S-s do not go out in Society at present: I should greatly like to give a little dinner, and they would be such ideal guests alongside the T-s.

I remark that surely there can be no objection to a small dinner party of close friends even if they are in mourning? (tho’ indeed I confide that the prospect would much worry my dear Abby for fear of making some slip.)

She adds that she goes about to call on Viola and Martha as regular as she can, for altho’ they are both happy in increase she confides that their spirits need keeping up.

Tho’, she goes on with a sigh, at least one may hope that in their present condition they are not being worry’d about these vulgar slanders upon Lady J-.

O, indeed I hope not, says I.

What can one do? asks Susannah, wringing her hands. Dear Sir B- W- goes about his clubs &C saying it is spitefull nonsense, but indeed there are always those who think there must be something to it.

I make soothing statements and say that sure 'twill all blow over and be forgot by this time next year, no doubt.

I have even had a letter from the crocodile, that has heard somewhat of the matter and hopes I go about to eschew such circles.

(Sure I do not want to raise any hopes that the matter will be entire resolv’d: and yet I hope I have matters in play that will draw a good deal of the sting.)