There are fellows that will misunderstand common courtesy

I am most extreme pleas’d to receive letters from 'tother Lady B- and Mr Q- in which they inform me that Chancery has at last been prevail’d upon to agree that it is quite an urgent necessity to be about repairs on B- House, before it collapses. They therefore go about to put the work in hand, and dear Belinda proposes to come to Town quite shortly to see to it, and hopes that I may assist her in the matter: she has no doubt that I have a deal of connections that would be of material help.

She and Captain P- are also looking about for a couple of fine ponies broke to ride and warrant’d placid in Town conditions for Lord G- R-, and she will bring them at the same time.

'Twill be entire delightfull to see the dear creature again.

Hector comes to say that Herr F- is just arriv’d.

Oh, says I, you may show him in, I think he desires my interest in some matter.

I mind, as he comes thro’ the door, that mayhap I have took a little against him because he is so very fairhair’d, and thus reminds me somewhat of the Junker. He makes suitably civil towards me and I gesture him into a chair.

So, Herr F-, what is it that you wish to speak to me about?

Why, he says, what is it that any man with blood in his veins would wish to speak to you about? (Sure he speaks English very well but with a strong Germanic accent, that is always like to strike unhappy in my ears.)

I raise my eyebrows. (Am I not well-known for my philanthropick endeavours and having a good deal of interest in various quarters?) Do I apprehend, Herr F-, that you purpose making a suit to me?

O, Lady B-, or may I address you as C- -

You may not.

- sure you need not play coy. Have you not given out that you are on the catch for a new lover? Did you not bestow upon me a most meaning smile at your soirée of late?

(Sure there are always fellows that will suppose that is a lady reasonable civil to them after the general usage of society she must be consum’d with furor uterinus towards them.)

Are you not, says I, widely given out to be affianc’d to that most excellent young woman, Fraulein H-?

Oh, he says with a wave of his hand, she is a good virtuous girl and will make a fine wife, but until we are marry’d, a man after all has his needs.

My eyebrows really cannot go any higher.

Herr F-, I fear that you are in somewhat of a misapprehension. I am by no means on the catch for a new lover, and you will find yourself in difficulties do you suppose that any lady that does not give you the cut direct is quite dying for your favour.

He looks at me as tho’ he supposes that I am making pretty protestations that are entirely strategickal. Come, Lady B-, 'tis no secret what you were before you wed the Marquess –

(Entire too expensive for the likes of a struggling violincellist, I confide.)

- you need not make protestations of virtue.

I do not offer to protest my virtue: however, even when gentlemen were my trade, I was able to exercise choice and not take all comers. Sure I had a name for being nicely discriminating over who I took to my bed.

Herr F- looks at me as if he cannot conceive that I should not welcome his advances.

I should be oblig’d, I continue, if you would leave my house.

I reach towards the bell to summon Hector. Before I can take it, however, Herr F- rises from his chair and pulls me up into a most undesir’d embrace. 'Twixt surprize and fear (for indeed I am remind’d most painfull of the Junker) I am momentarily paralyz’d.

Herr F- takes my hand and presses it against a part of his anatomy with which I desire no acquaintance. See the effect of your charms! he exclaims. (Sure this is only like to be of interest does one already have some notion to a fellow, but I confide that there are many fellows that still believe somewhat in the worship of the generative power and that their excit’d manhood will have a most softening effect upon feminine resistance.)

I had very much rather not cry out but endeavour to bring Herr F- into a more reasonable frame of mind so that he will leave peaceably, but I am by no means sure that this is now possible.

I kick at him and strike at him with my free hand, but he merely laughs and says, o, you vixen!

At which moment enters Hector, saying that Mr K- has call’d about the matter of the museum tickets and would be gratefull if he might –

And most immediate takes hold of Herr F- to pull him away from me.

- have some words about the matter.

Thank you, Hector, says I, perhaps you could see Herr F- out of the house? and send in Mr K-?

As Your Ladyship desires, says Hector, with an expression that bodes ill for Herr F-.

He removes a struggling Herr F-, and waves in Sebastian K-. I move towards him to shake his hand very civil, but find my legs of a sudden very weak and my head beginning to swim, and sit plump down in a chair before I fall in a faint.

Pray excuse me, I say, I find myself somewhat overset by this unfortunate incident.

Did that fellow dare to lay hands upon you?

Alas, says I, perchance 'tis how they go on in Bavaria but 'tis entirely not in accord with good ton as it is understood in England.

Is it not given out that he is to marry Fraulein H-? he goes on in shockt tones.

I believe so, says I. Mr K-, there is a smelling bottle upon the desk, I should be extreme gratefull could you hand it to me.

He does so, and I wave him into a chair.

Comes in Euphemia with coffee and says that Hector has expell’d that coarse German fellow by the back door: because he struggl’d so upon the stairs he fell down them and is quite badly bruis’d.

'Tis entire his own fault, then, says I (tho’ I am not persuad’d that Hector has not made feelings known with his fists).

After she has gone, I apologise to Sebastian K- for the brangle he walkt into, sure I never suppos’d that Herr F- had such an aim in mind.

Sebastian K- looks into his coffee cup and seems at a loss for words. Indeed, he must have more reason than most to suppose that I feel the apparent loss of Lord G- R- most particular.

But, says I, you came about the tickets for the East India Museum?

Indeed, he replies, there is no trouble about that at all, but as Vi is so wild to go there with you I thought I would come ask when you intend’d going.

Sure, I respond, I have not yet arrang’d with the F-s for a time that would be agreeable to them, but apart from that it should be before Harry and Josh go back to school I cannot think there is much odds: I daresay they would be entirely happy to accommodate Her Grace at some time when she is at leisure.

He therefore says that he will find when she is free of other duties – sure 'tis busy work, being a Duchess - and then clears his throat several times and says, should one say anything to Fraulein H-?

(This is indeed a matter that crosst my own mind. However, I confide that Herr F- is like to find some excuse: most like that he was, as it were, Joseph assail’d by Potiphar’s wife and that I show myself vengefull.)

I think, says I, that he is a rogue that will go about to beguile her with some false tale, and that she would thus not believe were she told.

(Sure it must be some while before they can marry, and perchance before then she may come to a just estimate of his worth as a husband.)

Just for a moment Sebastian K- looks like Martha, when she is horrify’d by the strictures of convention and the practices of society. He shakes his head. Mayhap I should say something to Vi, tho’ –

I should certainly not mourn, I say, did I find Lady J-'s patronage withdrawn from him. He will not perform here again.