The manner in which I met and became attach'd to my dear Mr F-

[the_comfortable_courtesan]

Mr F-'s wife was a most excellent woman, who had borne him five healthy children, was a supreme housekeeper, and managed his business as if brought up to it while he was away. Alas, her last accouchement proved nearly mortal, and rather than lose such an admirable helpmeet, Mr F- foreswore conjugal pleasures until such season that this peril no longer threatened. Concerned as to the strain on his health of such restraint, she urged him to take a mistress, with the sole proviso that this should not become a matter of gossip in the locality.

I had not particularly wanted to go to Mr P-'s soiree, but since it was in honour of Miss A-, the young actress with whom he had become besotted, I felt it my duty to my pride to attend in order to indicate that I was in no way chagrined by this development. I even felt myself able to find something sincerely to commend in Miss A-'s performance, as peculiarly affecting in one particular scene. Shortly afterwards, Mr B-, the banker, begged leave to introduce his companion, a well-looking enough gentleman tho' somewhat provincial in style.

Mr F- (for 'twas he indeed) said that he had overheard my comment to Miss A-, and conveyed his opinion that although well enough for a new presence on the scene, she did not promise to be a second Siddons. Why, says I, even the incomparable Mrs S- does not always match her greatest heights. At which, we fell with great enthusiasm to discussing matters dramatique, and I found him to have a nice and discerning taste in such things.

Eventually Mr F- asked me, with a pleasing shyness, whether he might not call upon me within the next few days, before his return home. Since he was being taken into society by Mr B-, who is not noted for philanthropy and has only friends who are already wealthy, and preferably likely to become more so, I had no doubt that he was an acceptable suitor from that point of view. However, I already greatly liked him and was very agreeable to the prospect of extending our acquaintance.

Within two days Mr F- presented himself at my door, bearing a very pleasing gift of some fine Wedgewood china, a taste of mine I had happened to mention during our conversation at Mr P-'s soiree. We had a little idle conversation over the tea-cups, until he came to the point, remarking that he had received the highest opinions of my prudence and discretion as well as my abilities in the arts of Aphrodite from Mr B- and others, and was minded to come to an arrangement, describing the terms he proposed. Why, Mr F- (says I), I believe you to be an acute man of business, and I am sure that were you to intend buying a horse, you would not conclude the bargain without first trying its paces: which put him somewhat to the blush.

Recovering himself, Mr F- says that he does not need to start stoking up a furnace to know whether a batch of coal will be good for smelting (a comparison I understand to be drawn from his ironworks). At which moment I perceive that I will not need to bring out my portfolio of amusing French engravings or the copy of Aretino's Postures given to me by a Florentine diplomatist (who proved less hot-blooded than his nation are reputed) in order to pique his amorous propensities. Come, my dear, says I, standing and extending a hand, let us immediately consummate this agreement.

Surely, says I to Mr F- on his third visit to Town within the year, it is a needless and wasteful extravagance for you to take lodgings that you are hardly ever in, and be at the expense of maintaining a servant, when you could stay here in comfort. My manservant Hector, I knew, was capable of the basics of valeting, which would give him something to do besides creating flutters in the hearts and I feared other parts of maidservants in the surrounding streets, with his magnificent physique, fascinatingly dusky complexion, and flirtatious manner, since his duties as footman hardly took up all of his time. Well (says Mr F-), this is indeed a sensible suggestion and I perceive the advantages, but I should have to discuss it with Mrs F- first; whereupon he gave me to apprehend their situation.

A few weeks later, I received a letter in an unknown, strong yet feminine hand, which to my considerable astonishment was from Mrs F-, desiring me to know that she was only too obliged to have her mind set at rest over such matters as properly aired beds, decently laundered linen, regular meals, &C, while Mr F- was in Town, and that she would be further obliged if I would remind him to put on his muffler when the weather was inclement (by which I understood her not to be writing at his dictation). She sent a small compliment of some of her gooseberry jam and damson cheese, which she deemed her most successful preserves of the year, and some lotion for the face from an antient receipt of her grandmother's: though I wondered whether these were a gift like to that sent by Queen Eleanor to Fair Rosamund they were entirely wholesome and a testimony to her domestick skills. I returned the compliment with a package of Indian spices and some good tea, and desired her to let me know should there be any commissions I might undertake for her.